Meet The Osbournes!
by Quietus
Summary: Rated for language, The Osbournes are in deep danger, is Zim the only one who can save them? R&R!


Disclaimer: All Invader Zim belong to Johnen Vasquez, the Nickelodeon bastards, and the Viacom bastards. The Osbournes belong to themselves, I guess.  
  
A/N: Yes, I had SUGAR! Skittles, in fact. Anywho, the Osbournes are in bigtime trouble, is Zim the only one who can save them? And this takes place 5 years in the future, Dib and Zim are both 16, yep. Also, I'm mixing up quotes from different episodes, so don't get confused if you see quotes from like five different episodes in this fic! Um, oh yeah, Rugrats bashing, if you are a Rugrats fan, do NOT proceed! R&R, please! Meet the Osbournes!  
  
"Fuck you." " You just jealous because I'm really, really good looking." "Why don't you both shut up."  
  
Gir watched fascinated by the family fighting on TV. It was almost as good as the Scary Monkey show, but not by much.  
  
"Ozzzzyyy." Gir said this, as his favorite character was, of course, Ozzy Osbourne.  
  
Ozzy: What do you want me to do with my gun Sharon? Put it under my bed?  
  
Sharon: Whatever you want to do with it.  
  
Ozzy: I'll put it under my bed! (Runs off like an excited five-year-old.)  
  
"Gir, what on IRK are you watching?" Zim walked into the room, staring at the TV.  
  
"The Osbournes, master! " Gir said happily.  
  
Kelly: Jack, stop telling people you're Ozzy Osbourne's son to get into places, you're a fucking loser!  
  
"Gir, stop watching human crap."  
  
"It's not crap master, it's the Scary Monkeys equal!"  
  
"Gir, I'm surprised that you haven't died yet." Zim said, still staring at the TV.  
  
"But I'll NEVER die master!"  
  
"Sure. See ya." Zim walked off, possibly to do his homework. There was nothing else to do, after all, the Tallest had just abandoned him, and cutting him off from the entire Irken race. So, he was stuck on the filthy filth planet Earth.  
  
Ozzy: You don't need to hire a dog therapist, you just need to wake up at 7 am and open the fucking door!  
  
(Some planet, far, far, far, oh, well, you get the idea)  
  
Chucky the 31st of a planet with no name concentrated hard on a little blue square in the middle of a wall.  
  
Ozzy: I love you all. I love you more than life itself, but you're all fucking mad.  
  
"Hmmm." Chucky thought, pondering on what this THING was.  
  
Ozzy: Well, its not that bad. I thought she was going to show me a picture of uhhhh...an eagle on her ass or something.  
  
What is an 'ass'? He thought.  
  
"Hey, Tommy come over here."  
  
An ugly bald guy walked up to the little blue box.  
  
"This is interesting, Chucky. Just don't let the almighty ruler of all that is retarded see you with this."  
  
"Yes, we must not let the almighty ruler of all that is retarded see this." Tommy said. He picked his retarded, badly drawn nose.  
  
Ozzy: Its like Dr. Doolittle in this fucking house here.  
  
"What is this stuff?" asked Tommy.  
  
"That's what I'm wondering." Said Chucky  
  
"What are you two DOING?"  
  
They both jumped as a snotty woman came through the door.  
  
"We weren't doing anything, almighty ruler of all that is retarded!"  
  
"Well, it looks like your doing something. What is this?" She walked over to the blue box.  
  
Ozzy: Weather in Afghanistan, 2000 degrees and cloudy. What the fuck am I doing? I'm stuck on the weather channel. AHHH!  
  
"WHAT?! A show that's actually FUNNY! We must do something about this!"  
  
"What planet is this show on?"  
  
"Earth, ma'am."  
  
Suddenly, a look of pure EVIL crossed her face.  
  
"It looks like this calls for Plan Yellow."  
  
"Gasp! Not Plan Yellow!" Chucky and Tommy gasped.  
  
Kelly: Your valet guy just farted in my car and it smells un-godly.  
  
"Well it looks like you won't be farting any more. BWAHHAHAHA!"  
  
She looked at them angrily.  
  
"What? Oh. BWWAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHA!"  
  
The laughter echoed into the darkness.  
  
Ozzy: Who pissed!!? Who pissed on my fucking carpet!?! That bastard fucking dog man. I'm going to throw you in the pool! It's a fucking terrorist man! It's fucking part of Bin Laden's gang!  
  
Gaz smirked as she watched the Osbournes fighting. Since she had discovered The Osbournes her life had been.well, the same.  
  
Jack: Mom! The cops! I'm gonna get nicked, I'm gonna get nicked!  
  
Gaz laughed at this. She actually had a kind of crush on Jack, but if anyone found out, she would just die. Then she would come back to life and kill the person.  
  
Ozzy: No, don't you start fucking singing, the fucking birds will die.  
  
This is almost as fun as making fun of Dib.  
  
Ozzy stood in front of a microwave that was not popping his popcorn. 'Bloody fucking thing' he thought.  
  
Kelly ran into the room, eyes hysterical.  
  
"Dad! There's a UFO outside!"  
  
"Not now, I'm trying to pop my popcorn, can't you see?"  
  
"Not now Dad, come look-"  
  
The wall is blasted open and three people walked in.  
  
"Oh my god, look what you did to the garbage can! I just got the bloody bag in to."  
  
"Silence! You will listen to me, and if you don't, um, we'll do something really bad!"  
  
Chucky and Tommy held up two guns that looked like bottles.  
  
"It's time." Angelica said, laughing evilly.  
  
"BWAHAHAHA!"  
  
She coughed.  
  
"Oh yeah, BWAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Oh great, Minnie pissed on the fucking carpet again." Ozzy said.  
  
Minnie watched silently as the Osbournes were beamed into a spaceship and carried off into space.  
  
A/N: Please reply! Ciao! 


End file.
